Decorating; Money; transitions

December 4, 2008

Never having had money before … I now find myself in a novel posistion which is not entirely uncomfortable.

Its always been quite usual for me to live from weekly crappy pay check to weekly crappy pay check.  Because I’ve never had money…I’ve never given two hoots about saving any of it, I’ve let it trickle away every time its wandered into my possession and taken me by surprise.

Now I’m a salaried girl…working 50 hours a week and getting decent over time…for the first time I have money. Of course, I have absolutley no idea what to do with it all. I live comfortably – coffee and pastries every morning – travel wherever I want at the weekends. Go shopping – eat out a couple of times a week. Nevertheless I don’t feel rich in the way I thought I would. The money is just there… Train tickets get purchased, £50 lamps get brought. I wonder if being rich is really more of a state of mind, if your born with money maybe you always feel rich when in possession of money. But if youve always been poor – just having money doesnt make you feel well off – just slightly nervous.

I have to remind myself that I used to trawl travel websites looking for cheap train deals to see my friends – buying cheap flights to random countries whenever i could.  It’s nice to be able to walk to the station and just jump on any train. The last few months before I left England were such a blur, however, that any satisfaction I should feel is eclipsed by a general sense of waking up from a biwildered sleep. Maybe whenever I head back to England (God forbid) and I’m back in it – my natural rose tinted habits will let me see this time for what it was. In a financial sense I mean.

Despite saying all this, its lovely to be able to go and buy nice stuff. Not because buying it is nice (which it is, but i’m naturally wary of the seductive power of commodity fetishism) No – it’s nice because Japan is filled with beautiful things and shopping is like walking into an art gallery where I can afford everything :)

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