Home; plans and a creeping sense of dread…

December 16, 2009

I’m lying in my childhood bed, wrapped in a heavy, warm duvet – my tummy is very full from dinner and I’m exhausted after spending an hour in the gym and from doing battle with the freezing weather outside.

Jet lag? Well I thought I was ok until I nearly fell asleep over dessert at about 9pm…

My last full day in Japan was spent on Miajima, the island where I famously got lost and nearly died last summer and also the place where I began waking up from the numbness I felt when I first came to Japan.

I love it.

Ayako took me there for our last date together.

I got my fortune read (finally) at the shrine, scooped up sand from the shoreline and wrapped it up in a cake wrapper – now its spread out and drying in a small rice ball plate on my book case.

So far its all going ok, im signing up for classes, going on the dole, all the usual stuff. Sometimes I get a little panic-y … today a man in the bank would not stop yelling so I had to close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears because it was making my stomach loosen and fall towards the floor. But in general I feel great … I’ve never been so social in my life – complete strangers ask me about my time in Japan if I mention it and it’s really pleasant to tell them how amazing it was.

Because it was. And is still.

When I get a bit anxious I have a list of happy things that I can use to elevate my mood and number one on my list is remembering this little girl:

I remember her talking away to me in Japanese, showing me her room, her toys – getting exasperated that I couldn’t read Japanese when she began reading it. wholly good memories of her wrapping her arms and legs around me and falling asleep on my shoulder.

Love Loads,

Mizi xoxoxoxoxo

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